What to Expect When Expecting: Short version

I have decided I am going to write a book that is a really short and to the point version of what women should expect when they are pregnant. The other books are helpful, but I really have found it unnecessary to read why I have all the ailments that I do. The point is that most women will have these symptoms and there is really nothing you can do about it. So, do you really need to know why your head hurts for 3 weeks or is it ok just to know that it is normal?

Here is my book up to the beginning of the 3rd trimester:

First trimester

• You will be so tired that you wonder what is wrong with you. Then one day you realize that something might be happening. Oh, I might be pregnant.
• You feel nauseated, some women actually vomit, some don't.
  
• You are so hungry all the time, especially in the middle of the night. Of course you are so tired that it takes the pain of hunger to actually get you out of bed to get anything to eat.
  
• You are irritable from being hungry and tired. You also might not feel like yourself and wonder if you will ever feel like yourself again. You will, on occasion.
• Your husband or partner will want to tell everyone you know that the two of you are having a baby. They will most likely want to tell everyone separately in a special way and you are way to irritable to do that. Then you are more irritated.
• You begin to outgrow your clothes and wonder if it is really time to move on to maternity clothes. You should eventually just break down and buy some, you'll feel much better in them.
  
• Did I already mention that you will be tired, you will, so tired.
  
• The first ultrasound is exciting, but it will be uncomfortable and painful. Especially for husbands. However, you do get to see your little peanut, sweet pea, or whatever you choose to refer to it by the way it looks.
  

Second Trimester:

• You will slowly begin to feel better and more like yourself. You might actually be in good enough of a mood to be excited when people want to talk about you having a baby.
• Heartburn begins, even if you have never had heartburn before, you will most likely have heartburn now. It is very easy to know when you have heartburn. Tums are wonderful and they have calcium.
• You might experience very painful headaches for a long period of constant time. Tylenol doesn't seem to help, but a little caffeine goes a long way. Sure, you might not be drinking caffeine, but after 4 days of having a headache, it will be very helpful.
• Other people's opinions. That is a big one. They will tell you what you should and shouldn't do and they will tell you if they think you are "too big" or "too small" for you stage in your pregnancy. Your doctor is the one you should trust and listen to. People should really mind their own business and think about whether they are too small or too big and whether or not they are eating healthy.
  
• Your baby is growing and so is your ass, thighs, stomach, and chin. It's going to happen even if you workout, watch what you eat, or are "thin". It is a part of the process of the miracle of birth.
  
• Back ache, feet ache, leg ache, and so forth are normal. As well as a little bit of swelling at the end of the day. There might also be parts of your body that have a tingly sensation, known to my doctor as a "hot spot". I don't know what it is, but it is annoying. I think it has something to do with nerves and your baby pushing on them.
• You get to find out the sex of the baby. It is very special to see your baby again and how much he or she has grown. Hearing the heartbeat is also very special. These things really help to outweigh the annoying symptoms.
  
• You start thinking about all the things you have to do to prepare for a baby. It can seem overwhelming, but take it one step at a time and it will be fine.
  

So, that is my book thus far. I know that it will probably change women's lives all around the World. I have finally found my purpose!!!! Thank goodness, I am exhausted.