Ready for a change (this could get long)

I don't discuss our rental properties too much with most people, compared to as much as I'd like to complain about them all day, everyday. I try not to complain in general, I know how blessed I am and how much worse our situation could be. Kevin and I however have reached a point where we are not sure we can work this hard and this much for something that will show no progress for another 15 years. Is it worth it? Is it worth spending every summer working myself to the bone cleaning, painting, calling the cops, showing apartments? Is all this enough to feel like I am losing such precious time with my gifts from God, Sallie Rose and Lulie?

In the past month, we have lost Kevin's dad, worked non stop to get the apartments ready for turnover and Kevin and I have hardly seen each other. Poor Kevin didn't even have time to sit down and mourn the loss of his dad. He was too busy to be sad. That's sad. This has been our life for 7 years! Since we got married, we have struggled with time and of course financially. For what?

Kevin has a great job, I have a masters in Architecture and I am highly employable (sorry to sound a little vain). I work extremely hard and could very easily make a decent living working in architecture and still have weekends off to spend with my children before they are grown up and off to college. For the last three years, I have given up my career in my field to help our family by managing the rentals. This year will be my last year, one way or another. Is it bad everyday? No, it's not, but for 4 solid months it is bad. It is nothing but stress, cleaning, getting contractors to try and do their job, and of course talking on the phone to annoying parents of children who are going to college for the first time. These parents don't want to do any research on the area or housing, they want to call me, talk for an hour, then decide they don't like the location, price, etc. I have way too much to do to baby them and it actually angers me that they think my time is so unimportant, that I can spend all day telling them where everything is in Savannah. 

 

I would say in the last month, Kevin and I have had one conversation outside of rental talk and child talk. We have not done a single thing that was fun on the weekends with our kids. If I am home on Saturday, he is at the rentals, and visa versa. Then, Sunday comes and we go to Church and come home and are so tired, we have no energy to do anything. The thing that really got me this Summer, was after I had Lulie, I had to immediately go back to work. I had zero maternity leave. I had no time to lay around and snuggle my new baby. I was either on the phone or responding to emails. I only stopped to feed her and change her. And poor Sallie Rose, no wonder she was such a terror at that time, neither one of her parents could give her the real attention she needed. We go through the motions and that's about it.

 

So, it's time for a change. What will that change be? I am not sure. I know that I am done missing my children and being so tired that I can't bring myself to play Barbies. I am done missing my husband and discussing nothing other than rentals and when the baby ate last. I am done missing my family and not having the money or time to go see them when I want.

 

Are there people who work harder than me? Of course. Are there people who have jobs that are a lot more gritty and dirtier than me? Yes. And as I am praying that God will give me the strength to make it through this turnover time one more year, there are people out there praying for their children who have life threatening illness. I am not naive and I am not ungrateful for what I do have. There just comes a time when you decide something doesn't work and you either make a change or you stay miserable. I like to make changes and not be miserable. I love life, I love my family and friends and I have done my part of this business for 3 years. I deserve to make a change and I can. Kevin is ready for a change too. He does not want me to have to do this anymore than I want to do it. He feels awful that he brought me into this situation, but God brought us together at these properties and he had a plan for us. This is not Kevin's fault, I chose to do this in order to help my husband.

 

Soon, we will begin trying to sell our rental properties and yes I do pray that there is someone out there that wants to buy them. And I pray that I can make it until the time when they get sold. I know I can, but I don't want to.

 

I have learned many thing about myself through this. I have learned I am strong, I do work very hard, I can handle many different people and their personalities and I am also very handy. This situation has brought Kevin and I closer (odd since we never see each other), and it has definitely made me more grateful for many things in my life. God does have a plan for each of us, I have no idea why those plans work out the way they do, but I try to trust him and pray that I will go in the direction that he intends me to go. I just hope the next direction is straight to the bank with a check from an investor who just purchased all of our houses. :)

Guess who is 3 months old?

This little lady is. She is such a good baby and so easy. I do wish she would sleep a little better at night, but we can't have it all. She smiles all the time and just hangs out when she is not sleeping or eating.

Sometimes, when I put her in her swing or chair and go about doing my chores, I forget she is even there because she is so quiet! She is hardly ever fussy and most of the time will give you a big toothless grin.

She has been a true blessing to our family and we love her more and more each day.

Hotel room, men vs women

It is so ironic the way Kevin and I differ in our hotel living vs our actual home living.

At home, I am a super clutter freak. I can not stand clutter. It makes me crazy. The mail stacks on the dining room table and I have to restrain myself from throwing it all in the trash from clutter rage. I have to organize the playroom every week so that I don't go in there and just throw all the junk away. Kevin, on the other hand, completely clutters his side of our bedroom with clothes, magazines, books, a safe (for the moment) and I'm not sure how he gets out of bed.

At a hotel, completely opposite. He puts all his clothes in the closet or dresser. He gets so angry with me because I walk into a hotel room and throw my bag down and then proceed to scatter everything around the room. And now that I'm in charge of 3 bags and lots of clothes for me and the girls, he is so annoyed! It actually makes me a little happy, so he can feel how I feel 360 days of the year. Wha hahahah!

So here is my latest hotel room trashing. It's so freeing for me!

Prayer

This week we lost Kevin's dad, Edward. He had a very risky heart surgery performed on Wednesday. The surgery went well, but after the surgery his body just couldn't survive. He passed away on Thursday afternoon and of course went to be with God.

This is the second time in my life that I have watched someone take their last breathe. I watched my Grandma Rosa Lee take her last breathe and then watched the funeral home take her body away just hours later. Each time I was so grateful that I knew in my heart their souls had gone to heaven already and it was just their body left for us to bury into the Earth.

This time was slightly different though, because Ed was having a high risk surgery done and was basically told he had the choice to have the surgery or he had the choice to wait for a very large aneurism in his heart to burst. He chose the surgery in order to take the chance that it might work and he might survive. He chose the surgery for Nancy and for his grand daughters. He went back and forth on his decision and just the day before, he told Nancy he was not having the surgery done. Of course he did and I assume he knew when they took him back to the operating room, he might not come back. He told Nancy it had been a great 54 years and went in. I am so sad to think of how scared he might have been, but I would like to tell myself that he was peaceful about it.

I caught myself doubting prayer yesterday. I had guilt that maybe I hadn't prayed enough or maybe I wasn't faithful enough or maybe since I had a small amount of doubt he wouldn't survive, he didn't survive. Then I thought, this is God's plan. Well if this was God's plan, why did I even pray about it? I have been a Christian all my life and I strongly believe in prayer, but I had doubt for the first time in 31-3/4 years. It didn't feel good. Maybe it was me grieving? Or maybe it was because I am still struggling with having a newborn, working part time and trying to be a supportive wife/daughter in law, and my mind is tired. My thoughts are tired.

Kevin and I discussed it and Kevin was so insightful and so at peace with Ed's death. He was so grateful his Dad didn't suffer. He could have been in a vegetative state or he could have been in pain, but he really never came out of sedation and when they removed the ventilator it only was a few minutes before he took his last breathe. Kevin feels God was kind and merciful to his Dad. I see that, but I am still struggling with my thoughts and wrapping my hands around the situation.

If he didn't have the surgery, how much longer would he have lived? I will never know the answer and now I must pray that God will help me have faith to believe that he did what was best for Ed and for Nancy. I want to believe that and I want to be grateful he did not suffer at all, and I am.

I do miss him already, so does Sallie. We stayed the night with Nancy last night and Sallie told me quietly that she missed Pop Pop. She has not cried, but she was very quiet the whole time we were there. He was a wonderful man and we will miss him. I pray for Nancy and Kevin that after the dust settles and everyone is gone, they can grieve quietly and that they are truly at peace with his passing.