The mommy Diaries

Dear Diary,
Today was the 2nd worst day I have ever had in my life, besides the day that my Grandma died.

Sallie has been sick for 2 days and was up all night the 1st night, which of course means I was up all night too. The 2nd night was only half a night up all night. I am also under a deadline at work for Thursday and my boss has nicely reminded me every day. So, as the world has proven, your busiest week, one of your children gets sick. No big deal. I email my boss, tell him ill be in after lunch so I can take Sallie to the dr. My kids come first, always. Then, my life safer, Susan will be at the house at 1:00.

I took Lulie to school, and Sallie and I head to Target before her dr. We get excited to spend alone time together. We stop at Starbucks for a apple juice and green tea. I let her ride in this horribly, obnoxious cart that I can't steer. She loves that cart for some reason.

As we are walking through the sandals aisle, having a nice time, I set my hot green tea down on the other seat across from her in the cart. It was so hot it burned my lips. As we headed down the aisle, the cart jerked a bit and we both reached for our drinks. I was too late to catch mine and the hot green tea spilled all down Sallies leg. Sallie screams and cries a lot, but this scream was a scream I have dreaded all her life. It was a scream that would happen if her finger was caught in a door. She screamed, I pulled her out of the cart, got her drenched shoes, socks and pants off and made sure she wasn't literally on fire. As soon as I realized that, I fell to the ground with her and I wept. The minute she saw me crying, she stopped and said, "mommy dont cry, i know it was an accident." A target employee came over and said not to worry and for me to try to stop crying so Sallie would be ok. Sallie again reassured me that it was an accident.

Granted, I Hadn't sleep in 2 days, that moment was so heart breaking, I still am crying thinking about it later in the day. The pain of inflicting bodily harm on my harmless child made me fall to my knees and cry. It felt terrible and I will probably never forget that moment. I have lost my cool with her probably 2 times and other than discipline, I have never hurt my baby to where she screams like that. I pray it never happens again. I couldn't handle it. I never want my kids to feel pain, and I never want it to come from something I do whether on accident or not.